Friendships and bonds. Really, what are they built on? Time spent? Outings? There are so many things i want to say about this, but i just don't know how to put it out in words. Why are there so many complications to the world out there, even to something as simple as friendships and trust.

Firstly to start of, i would just like to say that i'm just being objective and not subjective in this post. This is really just how i feel about things, generally, and not towards individuals.


I feel that friendship, is not really about just time spent, but quality time spent. It's based on how much they trust each other, it's base on how much they know about each other. It's base on their knowledge on the personality and character of their friends... But why is it that people can say things like, I don't know what you're thinking anymore, or simply just turn away from a friendship. Is trust lost easily, and why can't people trust easily. I think even after saying this, I'm beginning to find that, I myself, though i trust easily, there's a certain extent in which i trust people. But nevertheless, i still trust. It's just recently, my heart has begun to harden, so much. I really got to start relying on God all over again. Things are so different, So many things have happen in my life, mostly about relationships. I think i just got to start all over.

There's this one quote which i heard of quite a few times, and i really believe in it, "The tighter you hold on to something, the easier it is to lose it.". Definitely, the disappointment and hurt will also be greater once it's lost. I learnt that a really painful way. It's just that, sometimes when things happen, you dun really take the time to think what you're suppose to do, but you just do whatever you think can save the situation. Well, it's time for a whole new change of mindsets towards things. What pastor preached last weekend about mindsets, is so so true. I believe it will be able to help me so much. Mindsets, I'm determined to change them!



God, I want to draw closer to you more than ever.
You're really the Lord over my life, the Majesty.
Your grace have saved me, even though i'm nothing but alived...

What really is a second chance? People's perception of a second chance may be that, it's a chance which comes easily, even after failing the first time, or letting people down the first time, just like how game's work, where you can just simply restart even after you fail a certain mission. In this case, i'm not really talking about failing on doing something, but rather, when others are involved. I feel that sometimes, people really take this thing call the "second chance" for granted, by saying people, it includes myself. I remember asking for second chances, and blaming people for not giving me that second chance. But recently, i've been hearing a lot of stories and a lot of opinions people have of second chances. I begin to realise that, to give, or to have a second chance, is actually not that easy as people might have imagined.

A second chance, in this case, is a chance that comes after you blew the first, where someone may have already by disappointed. This cause the trust in that certain person to shake a little, no matter how close the two of you were. The shaken trust will definitely lead to some doubt the next time a task was to be given to you, or you were asked to help, a question will surface and that would be whether you're cut out for it, whether you're able to deliver the work, or whether will it be like the past, where you have failed to successfully do what you are requested for. The ability in you will be questioned, in other words.

To get to second chance back, i've realised that, the effort to get the trust back, is doubled the effort needed at the start. Hardwork is needed to let the person trust you again, to let the person have faith in you again.

When the second chance is really given, it really is quite the most important one. It will really determine whether you should be trusted still. This second chance, is where we have to work doubly hard too. To succeed in it.

Well, that's all i really thought about, and it's really subjected to opinions and perceptions. This relates to me. But all in all, try not to mess up the first time, so a second chance is never needed. =)

This thought just came to me, when i saw the first hand lifted up during altar call... Firstly, let me just apologize, cause i'm not suppose to have my eyes opened, and normally, i won't look around, but i just had the urge for this past service, and i happened to see the first hand up, and God dropped these two words into me. Sweet Salvation.
It's such a sweet gift from God, a gift of sacrifice. The Son of God came down and died for us. It is free, but don't take it for granted, cause it's the ultimate sacrifice. It's filled with the love of God, therefore it's sweetness! =)

What's strength without weaknesses? This is a revelation Gabriel told me one of his CG members, which is kenneth, had. After he told me about it, i began pondering on it. Seriously, what's strength when you have no weakness at all. People find something that's a strength in you because they can't find it in anyone else, or rather, you are the few that they find this quality in. I had a thought, that people are not weak, they're just lacking in areas of their life.
We first have to know, what are we weak/lacking in, then will we be able to find the strength that we have, or to strengthen up those properties that we're lacking in.
My Weakness, My Strength, My GOD!
I choose to trust in this God of mine to bring me to a whole new level, to patch up areas in my life that i'm still lacking in. I know God will always be there.

Lights Of Truth... Gab was just saying that my email add is pretty nice. I always always thought that my email was kind of child like, kind of like what some sec 1 or 2 would use. But when he said that to me, I just suddenly thought that, in life, sometimes it's the dim lights of the truth, that keeps us going. Yea, well, this is just a random thought that i have... Haha. Going to the main point of this post....

I just remember what i wanted to blog about when Gabriel woke up and talk to me about CGs...

I guess that, a Christian Journey is really a seasonal thing. We always go in and out of a certain season, be it as a church, as a zone, as a CG or as an individual. We go through different things, different situations to grow in different areas, to let God deal with areas in our lifes that needs changes. At one period, my life was all about recognition, so i got to grow out of that, then the next, it was all about friends, but now, i feel, and not just me, but alot of my leaders and friends, that it's the season of breakthrough. I'm going through one of my toughest times in my Christian walk so far, where there are so many things in my life that i have to deal with, things i didn't thought about so much before.
People come in and out of my life easily, and sometimes, it's hard not to get influenced during the exchanges in speech, but what keeps me going, is knowing that, God put me through all these test, all these struggles, is to really test, and strengthen me on the inside.
Not just about strengthening my insides, but correcting my heart, and moulding it to be the way it should to be more Christ-like. A season of challenges, a season of test, and a season of constant breakthrough. My heart will be moulded, and i'll find my true destiny after this season, and i know that for sure. =) As for church wide, whenever i talk to Garrett and Wendy, they will always tell me that, our church is now going through season of weeding, where God takes out people, takes out things in our lifes, and see if we are able to cope with it or not. This is the season for the whole church to strengthen up, and after this, the next season is to breakthrough... As people start having breakthrough throughout the church, one by one, people will start growing, and as a whole church, we will really rise up. A church is made up by the people in it, so as we grow one by one, it means slowly, one by one, people start changing in some parts of the church and slowly, every part of the church has grown to a whole new level, and then things will start happening again.
I think that, it's really cycle season, something like in our natural world, where we have summer, spring, autumn, winter, and it will go back in a cycle. So what i meant is like, we will always go into the season of weeding once again. I think this is sort of like a revelation to me, such that i'll always be prepared to go into the battle to stay on this fight for God.... well, hope this helps. =) If any of you don't understand any parts, just ask me. I'll try my best to explain again. =)

Woah man, just felt like blogging a little today.



So many things have happened in my life since the start of this year. So so so fast, and it's already going to be the end of March already. Time really flies don't you think? Haha, there's just so much that has happen, and i don't know where to start from. But, to begin with, i won't even talk about everything that has happened... haha...
Well, first of to start this post, what i really want to do is to give thanks to God who have blessed me with good results while serving Him and building his kingdom. I got a 3.458 for this sem that have just passed, without really really studying a lot as i was really busying myself quite a bit. I'll use times that i'm free to really study, so dun accuse me of not studying. Haha. =)


Since the start of this year, i've known so much more people, and have really drawn closer to some people, whereas there is the opposite of things where i may have already forgotten some people, or that some distance may have been created between me and some of my friends. Things have been added on to me, and i've been trying to expand my capacity to really be able to handle things, what i can really say is, i'm tired, since the beginning of this year, till now, i'm really tired. I'm holding on to the one thing that i really look forward to the most, which is to be ministered to by God. I'm just waiting for God to say, "Well done, My son". What may have not realised is, God have been and always will be, beside me, saying exactly the thing that i have typed, thing is, i have never once slowed down, never once stay stilled to give God a chance to say it straight to me. I think sometimes we think things are so important that we run and continue running without stopping to take a break and speak to God, afraid that this break might cause something to fall or fail. But this isn't how God works. God really just wants us to run to Him with our problems, to run to Him to share with him like how a little kid would run home when something happens to seek comfort from his/her dad. This is how God wants us to be... God bothered, He bothered,to save us from our sins by sending Jesus, His one and only Son, to die for us on the cross, but are we bothered to stop, to listen, to accept that He is real... I think the word is bothered. If we really bother, i think great things can be done, if we bother, we will begin to know God more, if we bother, insecurities in people will be erased...

Things have really changed since the beginning of this year. First up, there's been a restructure recently... Well, I'm still in the same CG, so not much change for me. I want to grow, I want to be able to be a support to people, to pastors to leaders in the church. I want to leave this independant stage and be God dependant. I feel that i'm a person who knows how to say, but no actions are taking place. I really want to be a person who last this race with God's strength, to have revelations to share with people, and know how to lead my kids better, know how to get to the next point in life and know how to GROW!
I feel very tired too recently, but there is no better solution that i can think of, but ask for revelations from God, I have friends around me, great friends, but in the end, i still need revelations from God to run, to leave my weariness with Him and continue running. I can't let everything go just cause i'm tired or that i have issues. I'll just have to learn to cope as i run. I pray that i will really grow after this period. I really pray for a change of mindset, a refreshed physical body, and a renewed heart. A renewed passions for the kids... I've lost some of the things i was holding on to and things i was happy that i had. Out of all those things, what i really want is to really have the heart for the kids back, so that i'll be able to run, for the kids, and stay strong in God. and now that i know that God is a yes-God, things will start to happen all over again. I know this year will still be great. =)

GROW!!!


It's really a rough start of the year for me, and i really don't know how long this internal struggle within me will continue, but i guess i'll just have to endure it down till the end and ask for help along the way, as much as i can.


"So i lift my eyes to You Lord
In Your strength will i breakthrough Lord..."